Utter humiliation? Thank goodness the reptile featured in this pic was not a T rex, 'cause yours truly would have ended up like that fellow who decided to hide in an outhouse in "Jurassic Park."

Please read this...Special memories from holiday season

At some point, when we least expect it, they are going to have their revenge. Especially a certain calico kitty and a traveling lizard.

If you have a pet, any kind of pet, any kind of creature, you might appreciate the story that I'm going to share. 

Before we get to the revenge of the critters, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and a nice, quiet, calm celebration to herald the arrival of a brand new year.

Our Christmas was, in a word, nice. We welcomed some special visitors, including one with scales. On Christmas Eve, three of us, but not the one with scales, motored to the Trail of Tears State Forest for what has become a tradition. 

We wandered through one of the creek beds, looking for you-know-whats. At one point, an "official" state vehicle, a pickup truck as a matter of fact, passed by. The vehicle, based on what I could see, was part of the Conservation Police Officer fleet. 

As the pickup drew closer to where we were wandering through the creek bed, the vehicle slowed, and the window on the passenger side was lowered.

"Merry Christmas," the driver said, with holiday cheer. Another special chapter had just been added to our holiday lore.

Our holiday visitors also introduced us to The Great British Bake Off. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we were able to binge watch an entire seasons of this culinary adventure, which involved all sorts of fascinating British treats. If you get a chance, check it out.

The Bake Off is, surprise, a competition which involves baking by amateur (pronounced "ama ture," not "ama chure") bakers. One of the things that the bakers baked was biscuits. Except that the biscuits were not biscuits, in the sense of biscuits and gravy. The British biscuits were cookies. Please do not ask me to explain. I can't.

The scaly visitor we hosted for the holidays was a reptile, as in a lizard. The lizard's name is Noodles. During the holiday season, Noodles went on quite a little holiday road trip, mainly, I think, 'cause it's hard to find a lizard sitter.

While Noodles was in Southern Illinois, the critter was dressed up in holiday attire for the purpose of creating an electronic Merry Christmas message which featured a lizard and a hand-crafted snowperson. 

To be honest with you, it was really hard to tell how Noodles felt about being donned with gay apparel. Most of the lizards I've seen have either been staring back at me from behind an enclosure at a zoo or running for cover when they were spotted in the wild.

Noodles couldn't go anywhere. The lizard pretty much had to endure the situation. All the time, the lizard was just looking back at us, with its lizardy eyes. I'm pretty sure that Noodles was contemplating a time in the future when reptiles would once again rule the world. Then, we will pay.

And we'd better hope that the lizards are not joined in their revenge by a certain calico kitty who was forced to undergo a rather humiliating experience at the hands of yours truly for a couple of days last week.

During the week between Christmas and New Year's Day, The Other Half motored to the Bluegrass State to spend some time with her dad. She left me at home, alone, with our three cats.

The aforementioned calico kitty is, at this point in her life, taking a half a pill a day, as prescribed by the animal doctor person. 

If you have any experience with a cat, you probably know that they do not simply go to the cupboard, get their medicine and take it with a glass of water.

Oh, no. Getting a pill down a kitty involved, shall we say, a bit of highly personal interaction, in that the higher life form, which would be yours truly, held the unhappy kitty in a highly impersonal matter, forced kitty's mouth open and shoved the half a pill down kitty's gullet.

Sometimes, the pill would go down the first time. Sometimes, it would not, which meant that the process was repeated. Kitty, by the way, has sharp teeth and sharp claws. Not much damage was done, though, to either one of us.

Fortunately, The Other Half returned from her journey, and she is now restored as the official shove-the-pill-down-the-throat-of-the-cat person. 

In the meantime, I got to thinking that it's probably a good thing that Noodles headed back home, too. Between a humiliated lizard and an upset kitty, I would have been outnumbered. That would have meant sleeping with one eye open, 'cause you never know what would happen if the reptile and the feline starting plotting together...

The Gazette-Democrat

112 Lafayette St.
Anna, Illinois 62906
Office Number: (618) 833-2158
Email: news@annanews.com

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